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Are You Making Demands Or Thinking Flexibly?

Are You Making Demands Or Thinking Flexibly?

by | Jul 15, 2019 | Career, Mind

The inflexibility of the demands you place on yourself can make you unadaptable.

Our thoughts and beliefs shape the world that we live in. The inflexibility of the demands you place on yourself, other people and the world around you may mean that you don’t adapt as well to reality as well as you could.

If our thoughts and beliefs contain firm words such as ‘must’, ‘need’, ‘have to’ or ‘should’ they leave little room for the ability to adapt to what life brings our way and they may just be adding unnecessary pressure.

Do these sound familiar?

  • I must have the approval of my friends and colleagues

This thought may lead you to feel unnecessarily anxious in many social situations, leading you to put pressure on yourself by trying to get everyone to like you-often at a very high personal expense.

  • You think that because you are kind and considerate to others they have to be equally kind and considerate to you.

Our value systems vary drastically and therefore are not one and the same. Our values are shaped by our upbringing, social experiences and society,  just because you feel this way unfortunately does not mean that others do too. Other people are governed by their own value system and this may end up leaving you feeling hurt or betrayed even by the closest of people around you.

One of the most common misconceptions that I have discovered in my private practice (and from personal experience ) is that people often judge others based on their own belief system. Many of us assume that our friends, colleague and family members have the same values as we do.  My advice to you is don’t assume and always keep in mind that we are all individuals with out very own subjective nature.

  • You should have a senior managerial position and earn a certain figure by the age of 30 in order to be successful.

Creating goals for yourself and judging yourself and others by them can create massive pressure on you as well as may cloud your vision of other factors that may be equally viewed as successful. There is nothing wrong with setting goals as long as you can be mindful of the fact that your goals are subjective and what the word success means to you may mean something completely different to someone else.

Therefore, having flexible preferences about yourself, others and the world in general will pave the way to a healthy and less rigid way of life. Rather than making demands on yourself, the world and others. Try the following tips:

1.Limit approval seeking:

Acknowledge that you can have a fulfilled life even without the approval you seek from others.  You will begin to feel more confident in social setting and begin to enjoy  people instead of being purely focused on receiving approval as if it were an absolute need. (This goes for social media too but thats for another blog post ).

2.Pay attention to your internal language.

Replace words like ‘should’, ‘must’ and ‘need’ with ‘would like’, prefer’ and ‘want’. It will take a lot of pressure off and allow you to focus on your goal and look forward to achieving it.

3.Understand that the world does not play by your rules.

We all have our own set of life rules, and as long as you try to judge other peopleas actions by your own set of guidelines, you’ll most likely be setting yourself up for disappointment. We have to acknowledge that we all have our own set of values and those of our friends or colleagues may differ greatly to ours. Give others the right to not live up to your standards and you’ll feel less hurt when they fail to do so.

4. Love yourself for who YOU are.

Have high aspirations for yourself, set goals and dream big. But do this for YOU, never forget who you are, then you will be able to set the right goals and be flexible in your demands for yourself.

5. Preserve your standards, ideals and preferences and let go of your rigid demands about how you, others and the world have to be.

Rather than becoming upset or depressed about things not being the way you believe they must be, keep acting consistently with how you would like things to be and design and adjust your journey accordingly.

By holding onto rigid demands of how things ought to be you leave no margin for any change or error, which is completely unnatural to our human nature.

 Success comes with growth and growth happens when you become adaptable.

With love,

xxx

Karolina Sky

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5 Career Hiccups and How to Fix Them

5 Career Hiccups and How to Fix Them

by | Jul 2, 2019 | Career

Careers don’t always go as smooth as you might hope. There are sometimes unexpected set-backs, changes, disappointments and tough decisions that need to be made. Always remember that challenges help you grow – both personally and professionally. So the next time you experience a career hiccup, embrace it and try to see the silver lining wherever you can in and you’ll no doubt walk out stronger than before.

1. A Nightmare Boss

I’m sure almost everyone has had a difficult boss at some stage in their career. This can be both emotionally and physically draining. A nightmare boss can come in different forms: The Demanding Boss, the Disorganised Boss, the Clueless Boss, the Know-It-All Boss, and the Poor-Communicator Boss.

Whichever boss you have, keep in mind that you don’t necessarily have to like him or her. Successful people rise to the top by learning how to deal with difficult personalities. Try to find a way to peacefully coexist by managing your reactions and work within the conditions you face. Do your work as best you can, act with professionalism and show your boss (and those higher up), that you won’t let their poor management or behaviour affect your success.

The silver lining here is that a bad boss can teach you which behaviours to avoid and help you envision the kind of manager or leader you want to become.

(Of course, all of this is assuming your boss isn’t violating human resources laws, in which case you should chat to your HR department.)

2. No Work-life Balance

Are you finding yourself overwhelmed and overworked? This is a very common challenge that people face. When you’re not eating properly, getting too little sleep and living off adrenaline, your performance will start to suffer and eventually cause burnout. 

Make an effort to log your daily tasks and keep a record of the overtime that you work and which projects are taking up a lot of your time. When the time is right, you can present this information to your manager or boss to discuss a solution that will help streamline and alleviate some of your workload.

In your personal life, you can reduce your stress significantly by incorporating these quick, easy daily habits: Meditate for 15 minutes in the morning before work; go for a walk outdoors and get some fresh air; workout at the gym or at home to burn off some steam; do some deep breathing exercises at your desk to reinvigorate your mind. There are some great meditation apps and videos on YouTube that will help guide you with de-stressing.

3. Change of Career

Often, we choose a career that looks good on paper, is highly paid or is what we thought we wanted to do many years ago. If you feel like you’re in the wrong job role or industry entirely, it can feel hopeless and daunting at the thought of starting over. No matter your age, it’s never too late to change careers and follow your passion. If you already know which direction you want to head in, then it’s simply a matter of doing the research for study courses best suited to your current lifestyle. If you’re feeling unsure about taking the leap, consider setting up a job shadow or two to ‘test the waters’. If you’re not sure on which direction to go in, consider booking an appointment with me as a Career Development Coach to help you discover and understand who you are and embrace your unique talents.

4. Retrenchment

Being retrenched can have a major emotional effect on your self-esteem. Unfortunately, in today’s tough economic times it’s becoming more and more common. Retrenchment can catch you off-guard in a seemingly stable and secure job, and come at a great shock when you least expect it. The most important thing to remember is not to take it personally. Embrace the change, see it as an opportunity to move on to something better or perhaps take the bold step to start your own business. While you cannot control what has been decided in the past, you CAN influence your future. 

5. You Made a Mistake

Mistakes happen to absolutely everyone in this world – we’re only human after all. The best approach is to own your mistake: admit it, apologise and then move on. This shows integrity, maturity and professionalism. Instead of making excuses and passing blame, offer solutions to fix the problem and ways to minimise the damage. Most importantly, forgive yourself and use it as a learning curve on how to prevent a similar mistake from happening in the future.

I hope you found this advice useful in navigating your career path. There will no doubt be bumps in the road every now and again, but this when we rise to the occasion and learn from life’s challenges to help build our character and self-esteem.

If you’re feeling unsure about your career or future path, and are considering a career change or career coaching, please email me on info@karolinasky.com, I’d love to help you.

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xxx

Karolina Sky